Baby McCrea February 29th 2008
I have three weeks left until another little person joins our family! Although I'm scared to death, I am also very thrilled. I haven't really expressed my feelings about this pregnancy, so I thought I better write a few thoughts about my baby McCrea. Of course it's early in the morning and I can't sleep, so what better way to spend my time.
When I found out I was pregnant I was so happy and relieved. Finally, 18 months of waiting was over and I was ecstatic. I was more excited to keep this secret from Chad for another 2 weeks before I told him, maybe I was a bit selfish, but, I had two weeks to myself to think about this pregnancy before I told the family. It was fun and exciting to think and ponder about that for awhile. I couldn't believe I was going to be a mother again. I know I'm already a mother, but a new baby, new gender, new experiences, adds new meaning to "Mother."
I have often wondered about loving another. I couldn't imagine sharing my heart or my feelings for anyone else but Lorelei. Even Chad doesn't get that kind of unconditional love. It seems that the sacrifice is so much more worth it for your baby. Lorelei was my first love, my first true sacrifice of everything I had. I sacrificed my body in more ways than one, my sleep, my health, my "to do lists," my spotless house, my hobbies, but it has been well worth the journey to be a mom to her. Will I truly be able to love another one just as much? Is my heart big enough to open up? I guess we will wait and see.
Although I'm scared of starting over again and scared of not remembering who I am, I suppose McCrea will make me that much stronger and help me be the person I am meant to be. I have enjoyed getting to know his little kicks and punches, his hiccups (which are over 5 times a day), his likes and dislikes, he likes milk (which I have never been able to drink until this pregnancy) and he dislikes chocolate and whip cream (two of Lorelei's favorites.) He loves when Lorelei gives him hugs and kisses and talks to my belly. He likes to go swimming too. I can't wait to see what he looks like and finally meet him face to face. I couldn't be more proud to have been chosen to be his mother. I just hope I'm up for the challenge. I love you baby McCrea and will miss you swishing and swooshing around in my belly and giving me a kick here and there to remind me that you are coming and to get READY.
9 comments:
What a sweet post to baby McCrea! I had those same feelings when I went to have Alyssa. I remember dropping Bella off at a friend's house on our way to the hospital for a scheduled induction. I looked at Bella and wondered if there was room in my heart to love another baby in the same way. It's amazing how much love the heart is capable of holding. You will do an amazing job with both of your children. I can't wait to meet him!
This is such a sweet post Teresa. I know exactly how you feel. I wrote a letter to Dean just before he was born, and one to Alec too. I keep them in their baby books.
I love this post! Such sweet thoughts. And like Diane said, it is amazing that your heart and soul can love more than one child just the same. In fact, when your older child is being naughty, sometimes you love the new baby more! Just kidding. :) I love all my kids the same, but a new baby brings back so many immense feelings of love, and they never disobey and talk back and they love to be cuddled. What a great way for that love to grow!
Beautifully said!
Oh it is so different than anything you could compare it to. You won't love this baby the same way you love Lorelei...it won't be more and it won't be less-- it will just be different. I love all three of my children in different ways. I can't explain it. And to love a little boy is so different than little girls-- again, something I can't explain.
You just have to believe in yourself--Heavenly Father has given mothers a source of unconditional love (without ANY limits). You'll see!
I can't think of anyone else that has a heart as big as yours! You will be an amazing mother of two. Can't wait for him to get here.
you have such a big heart so I am NO doubt in my mind that you won't love that little guy the second you lay eyes on him. He is one lucky little guy to have a mommy like you!!!
Just wanted to say congratulations! There will be that much more love in your family. I think as each member shows up, you discover that you have so much more love yet to be given! Again, Congratulations!
Loved your post. IFelt the same way when I was pregnant with Macey. It is possible to love all of your children. In fact I love Macey more today than Elle!! Just joking, sort of. You will continue to be a great mom!! Can't wait to see the pics!
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