
Baby McCrea February 29th 2008

I have three weeks left until another little person joins our family! Although I'm scared to death, I am also very thrilled. I haven't really expressed my feelings about this pregnancy, so I thought I better write a few thoughts about my baby McCrea. Of course it's early in the morning and I can't sleep, so what better way to spend my time.
When I found out I was pregnant I was so happy and relieved. Finally, 18 months of waiting was over and I was ecstatic. I was more excited to keep this secret from Chad for another 2 weeks before I told him, maybe I was a bit selfish, but, I had two weeks to myself to think about this pregnancy before I told the family. It was fun and exciting to think and ponder about that for awhile. I couldn't believe I was going to be a mother again. I know I'm already a mother, but a new baby, new gender, new experiences, adds new meaning to "Mother."
I have often wondered about loving another. I couldn't imagine sharing my heart or my feelings for anyone else but Lorelei. Even Chad doesn't get that kind of unconditional love. It seems that the sacrifice is so much more worth it for your baby. Lorelei was my first love, my first true sacrifice of everything I had. I sacrificed my body in more ways than one, my sleep, my health, my "to do lists," my spotless house, my hobbies, but it has been well worth the journey to be a mom to her. Will I truly be able to love another one just as much? Is my heart big enough to open up? I guess we will wait and see.
Although I'm scared of starting over again and scared of not remembering who I am, I suppose McCrea will make me that much stronger and help me be the person I am meant to be. I have enjoyed getting to know his little kicks and punches, his hiccups (which are over 5 times a day), his likes and dislikes, he likes milk (which I have never been able to drink until this pregnancy) and he dislikes chocolate and whip cream (two of Lorelei's favorites.) He loves when Lorelei gives him hugs and kisses and talks to my belly. He likes to go swimming too. I can't wait to see what he looks like and finally meet him face to face. I couldn't be more proud to have been chosen to be his mother. I just hope I'm up for the challenge. I love you baby McCrea and will miss you swishing and swooshing around in my belly and giving me a kick here and there to remind me that you are coming and to get READY.